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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {