The Phrases from My Father That Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - spending a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."